Musings of a Misstep, a Mindfuck and a Moral (Part II, the session)

I was early. The grey weather persisted and subsequent influx of bad drivers to the Las Vegas valley had me worried about traffic and road safety. I left my house about 30 minutes earlier than normal and still arrived only 15 minutes early. His wife greeted me at the door and after chatting for a few minutes offered me a drink and said that Deviant requested I wait for him in the play room. I declined the beverage and headed upstairs.

Already waiting on the dresser were the requisite blue and orange plastic cups with ice water. I also noticed a switch on the floor, the Hitachi, and a few other items out of place. I lit the candles and put the toys away, then sat on the stool by the dressers. I waited, hands folded, listening to the shower down the hall and looking around the room. I always feel so cocooned there, so shielded, so protected. Odd? Maybe, considering I was there to be dominated physically and mentally, consensually injured. But I also know I am safe.

This session was not planned as much as it was... needed. My head was in a fog, I was a bit jumbled, and I was letting things bother me that did not deserve that kind of time. In truth, it was a mess of small things mostly, but between the mindfuck, the heartbreaking community service, some confusing inner monologues and a little inherent holiday sadness, it was all precariously unbalanced in my head and in my heart... I just needed some perspective, a little ego stroke, and a reminder that I was amazing, I could handle it all and then some, and I could take whatever it was that was thrown at me.... with a smile and maybe some glitter.

Musings of a Misstep, a Mindfuck and a Moral (Part I)

Day One: Friday

I felt defeated.

I skipped the gym, lunch with friends, and went into hiding in my office. I spent an inordinate amount of time on Twitter (which, from a self-professed social media whore, is saying a lot). I was looking people in the eye less and less, there was no spring in my step, and my voice was flat. Online I could keep a good attitude, no one could see me crying. No one could see the pain in my eyes, the discomfort in my wan smile, or the growing sense of vulnerability and deflated value.

People noticed that I was behaving differently. It was obvious that something was different about me, something was making me uncomfortable, and taking away from my happiness. The gas station patrons eyed me with a wary caution, the FedEx agent asked me what was wrong, and my coworkers had to deal with tear-shined eyes and monosyllabic replies. I used email more than ever, because I didn't want to be bothered to interact with anyone more than I had to.

Before that, however...

A Few of My Favorite (Kinky) Things

I was tweeting with a friend and said I would rewrite this song and send it to her... Enjoy!

Ball gags and cock gags and whip marks on asses,
Bright steel handcuffs and leather straight jackets,
Willing boys' packages caged in CBT,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Pink colored bite marks and clothespins on nipples,
Face masks and zipped hoods and hard wooden paddles,
Beautiful girls pierced with bright needle wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Boys in lace panties with blue satin sashes
Face-slapping, foot worship, tears on eyelashes
Bondage rope, floggers, and canes, whips and chains,
These are a few of my favorite things

When a heel breaks
When my nails chip
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

[Repeat all verses]

"You do not want to be punished by me." (a/k/a Failure is NOT an option.)

We were having a conversation about play, fetishes, and fantasies. That is when I got my first glimpse into our play session this week. I was already warming up, and then he asked...

Deviant: do you like gagging?
Gemini: Yes!!!
Deviant: rough?
Gemini: I like rough :)
Gemini: Fuck, I am all sorts of hot right now.
Gemini: Grrrrrr
Gemini: ;)
Deviant: NO TOUCHY
Deviant: till I see you
Deviant: :)
Deviant: I love being the Top
Gemini: Yes, Sir.
Gemini: grumble
Gemini: ;)
Gemini: I was so ready to excuse myself for 10, too
Deviant: I know

In addition to, or rather spawned by, our conversation, I was given the task to look up information online and present it to him so we could discuss it and see how we felt about integrating it into our play.

Deviant: think of it as a research project
Gemini: Deadline?
Deviant: 1 hour
Deviant: or next week sometime
Deviant: :)
Gemini: LOL
Deviant: the sooner you do it, the more excited I get which has positive results for you.
Gemini: Prob can't do an hour, but I can offer by morning?
Gemini: I understand. :)
Deviant: :)
Gemini: I want to please you, esp. since I can't pleasure myself. ;)
Gemini: OK, fair to say I would anyway, but I'm horny and feeling ornery. ;)
Deviant: you have never been punished by me
Deviant: I promise you don't want to be
Gemini: I understand. :)
Deviant: the kneeling on your hands was just the tip of the iceberg
Gemini: nods
Gemini: Thank you.