'Christianity' is Religioush for 'Hypocrisy'

So.... I went to church this morning.

[Text Message Rec'd in Response] Thats already fucking hilarious. Thru him, with him, in him, in the unity of rupert murdoch, all infotainment is your almighty satan forever and ever . . .

Much to my surprise and chagrin, there were no lightning bolts, no burning bushes, no bloody tears from the statuary. It was pretty basic, all things considered. It was a Lutheran church, after all. You know, Martin Luther? It's like Catholicism-lite: lackadaisical, passive-agressive guilt and judgment instead of that obvious burn-in-hell shit down at St. Michael's.

Anyway...

I went because my nephews sang as part of the service. My sister-in-law is religious and had the boys in Vacation Brainwash, err... Bible School last week. Today was the first official service of this new church and the recital was part of the dedication.

Along for the ride were my mother, my brother and his wife, their daughter, my sister-in-law, the boys, and my other niece. I am not completely removed from all of this. I know the words and sang along to Amazing Grace, I recited the Lord's Prayer from memory, and I know how to be quiet, be respectful, and interpret most of the lessons into plain English for everyday application.

But if it was that simple, that benign, I probably wouldn't be discussing this with you.

Battles of Wits... With Unarmed Persons

I can not believe I let myself get sucked into this.... Keep in mind that there was no discussion, no other posts, nothing to indicate that this public post was an answer to someone else's posts.

I'll explain more and pick it apart further at a later time. For now, however, here is a post from one of my online classrooms that I found offensive (only the name has changed, her initials were not).

Websites, favors for friends, and cock rings; a day in the life

So Roman (yes, that Roman; no, we have not crossed the line since the last major post about him; we have remained good, distant, friends) sends a text, and we end up with the following exchange:

Hey will u design a website for my friend he doesn't have any money to pay u but he is a nice guy he has a cock ring business you can get a free cock ring

He makes a wide variety of cock rings he has little ones for asians big ones for blacks and special ones for white dudes with little cocks to make them look bigger

So I ask, "Are you modeling it? Hahahahaha!!"

He has a model who is an asian midget u will need to photograph him

The guy wants to meet you he will bring the model

I can't help but reply, "Asian midget cock... I'll be hungry again in an hour!"

Will you do it for free

"Sure, but only because I get midget asian cock from someone you know!"

"So, what do you get out of it?"

it depends on how much u want the experience and exposure

"I have a feeling that I would be exposed to one hell of an experience! How do I pay you a commission if I do it for free?"

It doesn't have to be monetary and keep in mind the midget asian will have a cockring on

"So you want me to watch with an asian midget?"

No thanks

"Then I can watch you!"

Watch me what

"An the asian midget!"

Nononono

"Hehehehe"

U would actually like that wouldn't u

Wicked wicked

"Not really interested in watching gay asian midget porn. I can think of more entertaining endeavors!"

----
Do I really need to say more...?

P A R A L E G A L - Road trip text messages

Prominent
Attache
Responsible for
All
Lascivious
Entertainment for
Government
Administrators and
Lawmakers

The [Other] Paralegal - Wait, did you just call me a hooker?

Musing - If "paralegal" = hooker, then yes!

The [Other] Paralegal - 'Personal' and 'entertainment' in the same sentence. I had 2 ask. Sometimes in this job im not sure of the diff.

Musing - Ain't that the truth?

The [Other] - Paralegal P.S. I'm going 2 ask [Boss Man] if i can chg my title.

Musing - To hooker?

The [Other] Paralegal - U r so funny. I'm cancelling my trip [to see you].

Musing - Who will entertain me?!?

The [Other] Paralegal - Guess [Paralegal #3, who is planning on joining us] will have 2. She's a paralegal 2. She has more yrs of pleasing experience than me anyway.

Musing - No, No. No! Quality > Quantity

The [Other] Paralegal - Ur just tryin 2 butter me up. Well its 2 late!

Musing - If butter is involved, we have moved [into another conversation entirely]

"You have to help me. You can't let me sleep with you."

"You have to help me. You can't let me sleep with you."

I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.

That's an actual quote from a friend and former lover, said to me today over a Pyramid Ale, a double shot of Patron (chilled, of course), and a half-eaten chicken Caesar salad.

Roman (as always, not his real name) and I met for lunch this afternoon after not seeing one another since early October. We have had a friendship with an on and off sexual relationship for a year now, meeting for a meal or a movie or drinks every six weeks or so. This last stretch was caused by a few things. Dad's passing, work schedules, making sure that all was well with his daughter and his pregnant wife.

Yup, his pregnant wife.

DMV: Names and 666

I went to the DMV today. I needed to do 2 things: change my name and get new license plates.

In order to change my name, I had to prove who I was, who I am, and who I want to be again. I had my birth certificate, my social security card, my current license, my marriage license, and my library card. Among all the silly things I had to bring, one was my divorce decree wherein my ex-husband and the judge had to sign off on my request to get MY name back. The lady behind the counter actually denied someone's change request earlier because her decree didn't specifically allow her to change her name. Her birth certificate and 50-odd years of proof of her name weren't enough... she had to be given her own name back by a judge and the man to whom she was no longer married.


A fellow paralegal and I were talking today about her legal, full, given-at-birth first name (Beverly) and her legal ID name (Bev). Nothing special was needed, and yet she can use a nickname on her ID and her mortgage, etc. The woman I saw at the DMV today had everything but the permission of two people who had no vested interest in her... and because of that, she wasn't allowed to make the decision to use her given/birth name.

What about that is fair?

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose...

... and regardless of the (cough!) catchy turn of phrase that ends that sentence, the lack of choice is present in more than just the ability (or lack thereof) in cleaning out the proboscises of your amigos.

OK, so that was less than poetic and, if we are to be honest, really sort of a sad introduction. But there it is. Deal with it.

Please forgive my tone; I am annoyed, sad. Family is rarely, if ever, a dynamic or a group of or from which one is allowed to choose. As happens in many families, the close-knit relationships found in families is often lost when a matriarch or patriarch is lost. In my family, we lost both in the span of twenty-three days. First, my paternal grandmother, my Nana, and just over three weeks later, her son, my father. My Nana and my father kept peace, kept love, and kept family first.

Sadly, very few shared that vision.