"You have to help me. You can't let me sleep with you."

"You have to help me. You can't let me sleep with you."

I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.

That's an actual quote from a friend and former lover, said to me today over a Pyramid Ale, a double shot of Patron (chilled, of course), and a half-eaten chicken Caesar salad.

Roman (as always, not his real name) and I met for lunch this afternoon after not seeing one another since early October. We have had a friendship with an on and off sexual relationship for a year now, meeting for a meal or a movie or drinks every six weeks or so. This last stretch was caused by a few things. Dad's passing, work schedules, making sure that all was well with his daughter and his pregnant wife.

Yup, his pregnant wife.

DMV: Names and 666

I went to the DMV today. I needed to do 2 things: change my name and get new license plates.

In order to change my name, I had to prove who I was, who I am, and who I want to be again. I had my birth certificate, my social security card, my current license, my marriage license, and my library card. Among all the silly things I had to bring, one was my divorce decree wherein my ex-husband and the judge had to sign off on my request to get MY name back. The lady behind the counter actually denied someone's change request earlier because her decree didn't specifically allow her to change her name. Her birth certificate and 50-odd years of proof of her name weren't enough... she had to be given her own name back by a judge and the man to whom she was no longer married.


A fellow paralegal and I were talking today about her legal, full, given-at-birth first name (Beverly) and her legal ID name (Bev). Nothing special was needed, and yet she can use a nickname on her ID and her mortgage, etc. The woman I saw at the DMV today had everything but the permission of two people who had no vested interest in her... and because of that, she wasn't allowed to make the decision to use her given/birth name.

What about that is fair?